I've started doing dokusan with one of the Zen masters at the temple. Dokusan is when a Zen student meets with a Zen master in a small candlelit room so the Zen student can learn more about Zen and how fucked up she really is.
I was informed that my Zen master's name is Shinbo Zengan which means "Profound Aspiration-Total Vow." I opted to call him Joe because we're informal and he used to be a cowboy.
Joe and I met in the candlelit room only a few times before he asked me what's wrong with my life. I blinked awkwardly for awhile wondering what he knew and then gave him that high-pitched voice people use when they’re lying, “Nothing!” He smiled, “No one comes to a Zen temple because their life is going great!”
I came to the temple to find more joy, and to figure out what the hell is wrong with my marriage. I've been married for almost seven years now and, after all this time, I still don't understand how to be married. From the beginning, my husband and I had an electric spark, but that spark also seems to electrocute us on a very regular basis. And by electrocute, I mean we so easily stumble into an argument, that neither one of us knows what the hell happened to get us there. I told Joe, the Zen master cowboy, none of this.
